Offer What I Have

Today doesn’t feel like the right kind of day to write. I mean, maybe in my journal, privately, but not here.

I woke up with significant pain, rationing my painkillers because I needed to wait one more day until the pharmacy approved my refill. I felt grumpy and tired. I read a message from a friend who is going in for surgery this morning in the UK, and I felt happy for her and envious. I’ve been waiting 9 months for that same surgery.

So I made coffee, curled up in my blanket on the couch, and began my morning routine. Today’s reading was about how God asked Moses, “What’s in your hand?” As Moses held up his ordinary walking stick, God transformed it and used it to perform miracles that eventually set the Israelite nation free from captivity. That’s not something that Moses saw coming.

So, this morning’s challenge was to consider what was in my hand that I could offer to God.

I had to think. I’m still thinking.

Pain. Illness. Waiting. Medication. Resting. (It doesn’t feel like much.)

Usually, I try to get the medication working quickly so that I can offer other things, like my physical strength or presence, listening and encouraging others, creativity, and friendship.

I’ve made some progress in letting things go. The limits of my expectations for myself have slowly spiraled inward so that what I do matches more of who I am. However, with new seasons come new challenges to hold steady.

We have grandbabies now. What can I offer?

We have parents who need assistance. What can I offer?

I feel, hear, and see the needs of loved ones and people I encounter. What can I offer?

When family comes to stay, when dinners need to be made, when culture suggests certain activities that belong with this season, what can I offer?

I had a few tears, to be honest, and shared this with my husband. I told him that PAIN was the thing I was holding, and he said, “And a pen.”

So here I am, using my pain and pen, offering it to God for his transforming power to do things that go beyond my imagination.

I have no idea what He will do.

💕 What is in your hand today?