Stain in the Wind

I now know … not to stain the fence in the wind.

The day was looking like a perfect day. Sunshine was shining, I had all the supplies ready, I shook the can and stirred it up and then lifted the brush up out of the can and above my face to reach the highest fence board and … black freckles - face, neck and arms!

However, that is not what made me angry.

The fence boards were extremely dry. It is a south facing fence so it gets really hot from the sun and has weathered surprisingly well. We had a chain link fence originally and so when we decided to build a solid fence, we left the chain link on one side which prevented us from staining this side for a few years.

As I brushed the stain onto the boards, they soaked it up immediately and it looked as if I’d done nothing at all! I was already through half a can and not nearly as far along as I would have liked. This frustrated me.

But I knew it wasn’t the fence I was angry at. I had just been to the pain clinic that morning and received both good and bad news.

The good news is that the doctor assessed my situation, did a bunch of tests and determined that I appeared to have a good quality of life, a good team of doctors and professionals for my care, good habits in place, a purpose, a faith and good people around me. I agreed and felt thankful. But he also said that there may not be anything more he could do for me regarding pain. He did have a few suggestions that I could try (which I will) but other than that he sent me home.

I’ve been here before — many times. There’s nothing more that can be done. Nothing?

So as I slapped the stain onto the fence, I began to reflect that it is not the fence’s fault that it is thirsty. It has been neglected and has taken a lot of heat over the years. I began to think of the fence in a tender way (strange? yes I know) applying stain and letting it soak into the boards to nourish and protect it. I imagined how refreshing that must be.

My body requires so much care. It can’t seem to get enough nourishment or resources to keep it healthy for a very long period of time. Pain is exhausting, pain interrupts sleep, pain hinders me from doing things that I usually love to do and it requires so many medications, treatments and trips to a handful of specialists who help me. I’m grateful for the resources, but I get angry at my body sometimes. I get angry at the stresses of life that exacerbate my pain and feel like that south-facing sun side of my body is getting burned, day after day after day.

How about you?

How are you feeling?

What do you need?

“If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, “I’ll get you out of any trouble. I’ll give you the best of care if you’ll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times; I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party. I’ll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!” Psalm 91:13-14

My pain may not be gone, but my heart feels refreshed (after a big cry, prayer time which kinda turned into a nap!)

I know that God is with me — my closest companion — and that whatever I go through in life, God will never leave! That’s pretty amazing when you think about it.